Chirkut Mantra

A chirkut and his wife were relaxing in the living room. He said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and taking fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

She got up, unplugged the TV,and threw out his beer bottle.

Logic and Law

Chirkut After having failed his exam in "Logic and Law", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Chirkut: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Chirkut: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "

Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

Chirkut: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an
"A", as agreed. After wards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."

Chirkut The Doctor.

Let me tell you about my doctor Chirkut.
He's very good.
If you tell him you want a second opinion,
he'll go out and come in again.

He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years
before he realized she was Chinese.

Another time he gave a patient six months to live.
At the end of the six months, the patient hadn't paid his bill,
so the doctor gave him another six months.

While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said,
"Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he's invisible."
The doctor said, "Tell him I can't see him."

Another time, a man came running in the office and yelled,
"Doctor, doctor!! -my son just swallowed a roll of film!!"
The doctor calmly replied, "Let's just wait and see what develops."

One patient came in and said, "Doctor, I have a serious memory problem."
The doctor asked, "When did it start?"
The man replied, "When did what start?"

I remember one time I told my doctor I
had a ringing in my ears. His advice: "Don't answer it."

My doctor sure has his share of nut cases.
One said to him, "Doctor, I think I'm a bell."
The doctor gave him some pills and said, "Here, take these -
if they don't work, give me a ring."

Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards.
The doctor simply said, "Go sit over there. I'll deal with you later."

When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places,
he told me to stop going to those places.

You know, doctors can be so frustrating.
You wait a month and a half for an appointment,
then he says, "I wish you had come to me sooner."

Advertisement

Benny was talking to his best friend Harry.
"You know Harry, I can't understand why you failed in business. You had such good ideas."

"Too much advertising was the main reason for my failure," replied Harry.

"But I can't remember you spending a penny on advertising all your life," said Benny.

"You're correct there," said Harry, "but all my competitors did."

Classroom Jokes

Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student: Gandhi ji was born..
Teacher: What happened in 1873?
Student: Gandhiji was four years old..

Teacher: Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student: A holiday....!!

Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun, Everyone must attend it..
Santa: No ma'm..! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why...?
Santa: My mother will not allow me to go so far....!!

Teacher: There is a frog, Ship is sinking, potatoes cost Rs 3/kg.. Then, what is my age?
STUDENT: 32 yrs..
Teacher: How do you know?
STUDENT: Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad..

Teacher: Where does God live..?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom..
Teacher: Why do you say that..?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the bathroom door and says, 'God, are you still in there..?'

Happy Teacher's Day!!!

Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.

Student: Please teacher, I don ' t think I want to study history.

Teacher: Why?

Student: There is no future in it.

............

Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?

Ted: $10.

Teacher: You don ' t know maths.

Ted: You don ' t know my father!

............

Mother: David, come here.

David: Yes, mum?

Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.

David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.

Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.

............

Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?

Son: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8

Father: So?

Son: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8.

If she can ' t make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?

............

A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were Watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, Then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.

Daughter: It ' s mummy!

Father: How do you know?

Daughter: She didn ' t say anything.

............

Girl: Do you love me?

Boy: Yes Dear

Girl: Would you die for me?

Boy: No, mine is undying love

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Man: How old is your father?

Boy: As old as me

Man: How can that be?

Boy: He became a father only when I was born

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Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother ' s. Did u copy his?

Simon: No, teacher, it ' s the same dog!

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Teacher: "Where were u born?"

Student: " Singapore , Sir."

Teacher: "Which part?"

Student: "All of me, Sir."

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Chirkut in the farm

One day, Farmer Chirkut was in town picking up supplies for his farm. He stopped by the hardware store and picked up a bucket and an anvil. Then, he stopped by the livestock dealer to buy a couple of chickens and a goose. However, he now had a problem: How to carry all of his purchases home?

The livestock dealer said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Hey, thanks!" the farmer said, and off he went.

While walking he met a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 15 Rose Mary Mario Lane?"

The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 20 Rose Mary Mario Lane. Let's take my short cut and go thru these sarso ke khet. We'll be there in no time."

The little old lady said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get into the khet you won't ravish me?"

The farmer said, "Holy shit, lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in God's name could I possibly hold you up and do that?"

The little old lady said, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."

Lie Detector

One day Chirkut's dad bought a robot.

The robot was special in that it could detect a lie
and would slap the person who lied on the face.

Jack returned late from school that day and his dad
asked him, "Son why are you late from school?".

Jack answered, "Dad we had extra classes today".

Much to his astonishment the Robot jumped up and
slapped Jack on his face.

His dad told him, this robot is special in that he can
detect a lie and will then slap the person who lied
now come on tell me the truth, " Why are you late?"

"Dad I went for a movie",
"Which movie?"
"The Ten Commandments",
Splatt... Jack got a tight slap on the face from the
robot.

"No dad honest I went for the movie Sex Queen."

"Shame on you son when I was your age I never used to
do such shameful things."

Splatt, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the
robot.

Hearing all this, Jack's mother comes walking out of
the kitchen saying, "After all he is your son, he will
be like you"

The robot steps up and gives a resounding slap on
Jack's mothers face.

Dont ask what the moral of the story is
??????????????????????

Chirkut Statitics of iphone vs myPhone

Cost:
iPhone: costs $499 or $599 after you’ve signed a 2 year contract with Cingular.
myPhone: costs $18 and no contract with Cingular. In fact when you buy this pay-as-you-go Phone, you get $10 worth of talk time free. In effect myPhone costs $8.
Features:
iPhone: is a phone, a camera, a music player and an internet browser.
myPhone: is barely even a phone. Some days it wakes me up doubling as an alarm. It triples as a girl repellant. Ideal function for married men

Chirkut running for an iPhone.

Chirkut have pictures and interviews of people queued up for the iPhone. This must include variants of the following:
a. The man who has been sitting in the queue since the first ad came out…he is seventh in the queue
b. The man who has been in the queue since Steve Jobs was born. He is second in the queue
c. The woman who is sitting in the queue in place of Lindsay Lohan, who will replace her as soon as the store opens.
d. The family that is reconnecting after twenty years of separate dinners. They are almost together now: numbers 13, 15, 19, and 327 in the queue.
e. Interview with the guy who thinks this is the soup kitchen queue and nobody bothered to correct him.

Chirkut wants to marry his grandma.

"Daddy," said a Chirkut, "I'd like to get married."

"Sure, son." said his father. "Anyone special in mind?"

"Yes," answered Chirkut. "Grandma."

"Now, wait a minute," said his father.

"You don't think I'd let you marry my mother, do you!!"

"Why not?" the he asked. "You married mine."

Jobs::Classifieds

Job Opening in VTU ::
VTU requires candidates for the post of paper correctors. No cut off. Knowledge of alphabets and numbers from 1 to 34 is sufficient. Even UKG pass can apply.

4 Friends.

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of it's assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday. A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth friend returned from the restroom and asked 'What are all the congratulations for?'

One of the three said 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. What about your son?' The fourth man replied 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said 'What a shame... what a disappointment.' The fourth man replied 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too badly either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'

Business::This is what its all about.

Father : "I want you to marry a girl of my choice"
Son : "I will choose my own bride!"
Father : "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...ok"

Next - Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates : "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates : "Ah, in that case...ok"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President : "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father : "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case...ok"

HR recruitment

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources
Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in
heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it
seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a
Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to
do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let
you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose
whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said
the woman

"Sorry, we have rules..."

And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went
down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green
of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing
in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had
worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for
her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old
times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the
country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.

She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she
had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time

that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and
waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found
St. Peter waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24
hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had
great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came
and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you
must choose your eternity,"

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd
say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a
better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down
back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a
desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were
dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.

The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there
was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and
had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my
friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her smiled and told...

*"Yesterday we were recruiting you, Today you are an employee.*

Joke Of the DAY!!

Once Chirkut was looking at a WANTED poster & was wondering - 'Saala wanted tha to photo kheenchne ke baad use jaane kyon diya ? '

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Falling
There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish
who kept confessing to adultery.

One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said,
"If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone
who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen."

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the
priest died at a ripe old age.

About a week after the new priest
arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in
town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about
having fallen."

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word.

Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at
the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, your
wife fell three times this week."