Chirkut Mantra

A chirkut and his wife were relaxing in the living room. He said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and taking fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

She got up, unplugged the TV,and threw out his beer bottle.

Logic and Law

Chirkut After having failed his exam in "Logic and Law", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Chirkut: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Chirkut: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "

Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

Chirkut: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an
"A", as agreed. After wards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."

Chirkut The Doctor.

Let me tell you about my doctor Chirkut.
He's very good.
If you tell him you want a second opinion,
he'll go out and come in again.

He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years
before he realized she was Chinese.

Another time he gave a patient six months to live.
At the end of the six months, the patient hadn't paid his bill,
so the doctor gave him another six months.

While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said,
"Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he's invisible."
The doctor said, "Tell him I can't see him."

Another time, a man came running in the office and yelled,
"Doctor, doctor!! -my son just swallowed a roll of film!!"
The doctor calmly replied, "Let's just wait and see what develops."

One patient came in and said, "Doctor, I have a serious memory problem."
The doctor asked, "When did it start?"
The man replied, "When did what start?"

I remember one time I told my doctor I
had a ringing in my ears. His advice: "Don't answer it."

My doctor sure has his share of nut cases.
One said to him, "Doctor, I think I'm a bell."
The doctor gave him some pills and said, "Here, take these -
if they don't work, give me a ring."

Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards.
The doctor simply said, "Go sit over there. I'll deal with you later."

When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places,
he told me to stop going to those places.

You know, doctors can be so frustrating.
You wait a month and a half for an appointment,
then he says, "I wish you had come to me sooner."

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Benny was talking to his best friend Harry.
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Classroom Jokes

Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student: Gandhi ji was born..
Teacher: What happened in 1873?
Student: Gandhiji was four years old..

Teacher: Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student: A holiday....!!

Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun, Everyone must attend it..
Santa: No ma'm..! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why...?
Santa: My mother will not allow me to go so far....!!

Teacher: There is a frog, Ship is sinking, potatoes cost Rs 3/kg.. Then, what is my age?
STUDENT: 32 yrs..
Teacher: How do you know?
STUDENT: Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad..

Teacher: Where does God live..?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom..
Teacher: Why do you say that..?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the bathroom door and says, 'God, are you still in there..?'

Happy Teacher's Day!!!

Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.

Student: Please teacher, I don ' t think I want to study history.

Teacher: Why?

Student: There is no future in it.

............

Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?

Ted: $10.

Teacher: You don ' t know maths.

Ted: You don ' t know my father!

............

Mother: David, come here.

David: Yes, mum?

Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.

David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.

Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.

............

Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?

Son: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8

Father: So?

Son: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8.

If she can ' t make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?

............

A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were Watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, Then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.

Daughter: It ' s mummy!

Father: How do you know?

Daughter: She didn ' t say anything.

............

Girl: Do you love me?

Boy: Yes Dear

Girl: Would you die for me?

Boy: No, mine is undying love

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Man: How old is your father?

Boy: As old as me

Man: How can that be?

Boy: He became a father only when I was born

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Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother ' s. Did u copy his?

Simon: No, teacher, it ' s the same dog!

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Teacher: "Where were u born?"

Student: " Singapore , Sir."

Teacher: "Which part?"

Student: "All of me, Sir."

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Chirkut in the farm

One day, Farmer Chirkut was in town picking up supplies for his farm. He stopped by the hardware store and picked up a bucket and an anvil. Then, he stopped by the livestock dealer to buy a couple of chickens and a goose. However, he now had a problem: How to carry all of his purchases home?

The livestock dealer said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Hey, thanks!" the farmer said, and off he went.

While walking he met a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 15 Rose Mary Mario Lane?"

The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 20 Rose Mary Mario Lane. Let's take my short cut and go thru these sarso ke khet. We'll be there in no time."

The little old lady said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get into the khet you won't ravish me?"

The farmer said, "Holy shit, lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in God's name could I possibly hold you up and do that?"

The little old lady said, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."