Classroom Jokes

Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student: Gandhi ji was born..
Teacher: What happened in 1873?
Student: Gandhiji was four years old..

Teacher: Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student: A holiday....!!

Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun, Everyone must attend it..
Santa: No ma'm..! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why...?
Santa: My mother will not allow me to go so far....!!

Teacher: There is a frog, Ship is sinking, potatoes cost Rs 3/kg.. Then, what is my age?
STUDENT: 32 yrs..
Teacher: How do you know?
STUDENT: Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad..

Teacher: Where does God live..?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom..
Teacher: Why do you say that..?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the bathroom door and says, 'God, are you still in there..?'

Happy Teacher's Day!!!

Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.

Student: Please teacher, I don ' t think I want to study history.

Teacher: Why?

Student: There is no future in it.

............

Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?

Ted: $10.

Teacher: You don ' t know maths.

Ted: You don ' t know my father!

............

Mother: David, come here.

David: Yes, mum?

Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.

David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.

Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.

............

Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?

Son: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8

Father: So?

Son: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8.

If she can ' t make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?

............

A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were Watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, Then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.

Daughter: It ' s mummy!

Father: How do you know?

Daughter: She didn ' t say anything.

............

Girl: Do you love me?

Boy: Yes Dear

Girl: Would you die for me?

Boy: No, mine is undying love

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Man: How old is your father?

Boy: As old as me

Man: How can that be?

Boy: He became a father only when I was born

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Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother ' s. Did u copy his?

Simon: No, teacher, it ' s the same dog!

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Teacher: "Where were u born?"

Student: " Singapore , Sir."

Teacher: "Which part?"

Student: "All of me, Sir."

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Chirkut in the farm

One day, Farmer Chirkut was in town picking up supplies for his farm. He stopped by the hardware store and picked up a bucket and an anvil. Then, he stopped by the livestock dealer to buy a couple of chickens and a goose. However, he now had a problem: How to carry all of his purchases home?

The livestock dealer said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Hey, thanks!" the farmer said, and off he went.

While walking he met a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 15 Rose Mary Mario Lane?"

The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 20 Rose Mary Mario Lane. Let's take my short cut and go thru these sarso ke khet. We'll be there in no time."

The little old lady said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get into the khet you won't ravish me?"

The farmer said, "Holy shit, lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in God's name could I possibly hold you up and do that?"

The little old lady said, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."

Lie Detector

One day Chirkut's dad bought a robot.

The robot was special in that it could detect a lie
and would slap the person who lied on the face.

Jack returned late from school that day and his dad
asked him, "Son why are you late from school?".

Jack answered, "Dad we had extra classes today".

Much to his astonishment the Robot jumped up and
slapped Jack on his face.

His dad told him, this robot is special in that he can
detect a lie and will then slap the person who lied
now come on tell me the truth, " Why are you late?"

"Dad I went for a movie",
"Which movie?"
"The Ten Commandments",
Splatt... Jack got a tight slap on the face from the
robot.

"No dad honest I went for the movie Sex Queen."

"Shame on you son when I was your age I never used to
do such shameful things."

Splatt, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the
robot.

Hearing all this, Jack's mother comes walking out of
the kitchen saying, "After all he is your son, he will
be like you"

The robot steps up and gives a resounding slap on
Jack's mothers face.

Dont ask what the moral of the story is
??????????????????????

Chirkut Statitics of iphone vs myPhone

Cost:
iPhone: costs $499 or $599 after you’ve signed a 2 year contract with Cingular.
myPhone: costs $18 and no contract with Cingular. In fact when you buy this pay-as-you-go Phone, you get $10 worth of talk time free. In effect myPhone costs $8.
Features:
iPhone: is a phone, a camera, a music player and an internet browser.
myPhone: is barely even a phone. Some days it wakes me up doubling as an alarm. It triples as a girl repellant. Ideal function for married men

Chirkut running for an iPhone.

Chirkut have pictures and interviews of people queued up for the iPhone. This must include variants of the following:
a. The man who has been sitting in the queue since the first ad came out…he is seventh in the queue
b. The man who has been in the queue since Steve Jobs was born. He is second in the queue
c. The woman who is sitting in the queue in place of Lindsay Lohan, who will replace her as soon as the store opens.
d. The family that is reconnecting after twenty years of separate dinners. They are almost together now: numbers 13, 15, 19, and 327 in the queue.
e. Interview with the guy who thinks this is the soup kitchen queue and nobody bothered to correct him.

Chirkut wants to marry his grandma.

"Daddy," said a Chirkut, "I'd like to get married."

"Sure, son." said his father. "Anyone special in mind?"

"Yes," answered Chirkut. "Grandma."

"Now, wait a minute," said his father.

"You don't think I'd let you marry my mother, do you!!"

"Why not?" the he asked. "You married mine."